Thanksgiving is a time to gather with friends and family and to be thankful for the people and events that shape our life. I enjoy spending time with my family, but I can’t say the same for the following 5 families. So here is my list of the top 5 families I would not want to spend Thanksgiving Dinner with.
Jim Nantz has divorced his wife. Even worse for Jim, the court ruled that Jim’s wife, Lorrie, will receive $1.5 million a year for child support and alimony for their 15 yr old son. Along with cash and Jim’s self respect and dignity, Lorrie also gets their Connecticut house and Jim must pay $700,000 a year for a country club membership for Lorrie. Prior to that, Jim had spent approx $1 million on jewelry and clothing on his wife the past nine years. There is no doubt that Thanksgiving dinner would awkward between the two. Good thing for Jim, he spent his Thanksgiving in Dallas with Phil Simms. I feel for Jim Nantz and offer some encouraging words from Eddie Murphy (before his career tanked from god awful movies like Daddy Day Care and Pluto Nash)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyInZF4xsUY&feature=player_embedded
The Octomom (Nadya Suleman) household
This woman is a nutcase and a drain on society. I don’t have the slightest clue what drove that woman to have 8 kids, but then again I don’t understand women. (Seriously they need to make a Rosetta Stone software package for women) Maybe, she is a spotlight vampire doing anything she can to get any and every ounce of attention from people, or she is addicted to pregnancy. Perhaps she had children in hopes of attracting a husband in the same way men use puppy dogs to get dates, who knows. Whatever the case, I take satisfaction in knowing that Octomom was breastfeeding her children Thanksgiving dinner alone, because even her family thinks she’s a crazy whackjob.
However, I am thankful for the Nadya Suleman breakfast special at Denny’s. What can be better than a platter of 8 eggs, no sausage, and the guy behind you pays the bill?
The Gosselin household
“Jon and Kate plus hate” drew the attention of America this past summer. As a disclaimer I have only seen 5 minutes of the show, but I do know that Jon probably just got tired of being Kate’s bitch. With that said, running around with a 20 something blonde when you are a father to 8 children is total d-bag material. Not only does the tension between Jon and Katie create awkwardness at Thanksgiving dinner, the 8 children provide a logistical nightmare. My personal feeling on kids is to never let them outnumber you, so 2 children will be the most I ever have. Why? Because you can’t play a zone defense against children, Man-to-Man is the only way to go when it comes to diapers, bath time, and dinner time. Having 8 children running around and screaming while you try to cook and serve dinner would drive me insane.
Jon should be thankful that another women loves him for his Ed Hardy t-shirts.
The Rick Pitino household
I’ve been making a lot of fun of Rick Pitino lately, so I’m gonna go easy on him. Most likely, his wife kicked him out of the house and Rick spent thanksgiving eating a turkey and gravy TV dinner in the Louisville gym. I guess that’s the price you pay for not keeping your turkey baster under wraps.
The Tiger Woods household
Wow, where do you start? This past Friday is a perfect example of the idea that there are two sides to every story. If you ask Elin Nordegren-Woods about what happened on Friday she’d tell you that she single-handedly saved her husband’s life by busting out the window with a golf club that she just happened to have in her possession a few houses down from their home and dragged all 6-1ft 220lbs of Tiger out of the window. This is a peculiar statement because why would you bust out the rear window of an Escalade if the doors were locked, when all you have to do is call On-Star which is standard on all GMC vehicles, and have On-Star unlock the doors? Now if you asked Tiger after he awoke from unconsciousness, He would tell you that he was attacked by his ridiculously hot, yet psycho wife.
Either way the Thanksgiving dinner hours before the “crash” must have consisted of Elin chasing Tiger around the house with one of his irons trying to kill him. To be honest, I hope alcohol and drunk driving was involved for the sake of everyone; otherwise Tiger’s got some explaining to do, and he can start by answering the simple question of why.
http://www.someecards.com/card/3295#
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY
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