Tiger Woods
To Tiger I give the gift of my advice when it comes to cell phones. Password protect your cell phone that way no one can search your contacts list, photos and text history. Also if you are seeing women on the side, don’t put their actual name in your contacts. Reason being it is much easier fabricating a story to your wife as to why Papa John’s pizza texted you at 2am instead of a woman by the name of Jamie Grubbs.
Finally, I give the gift of Bimbo Patrol to Tiger. Maybe Tiger is connected to all of these women but my guess is no. Everyone seems to be coming out of the woodwork and stating they had a relationship with Tiger just to make a quick buck.
All joking aside, If Tiger is truly connected to all of those women then the “2010 Tiger Woods Mistress Calendar” must be coming out soon, and Woods has started the back nine awhile ago.
David Letterman
I give the gift of a +8 handicap. This will make more sense when you and Tiger Woods are comparing scorecards in the clubhouse.
Nick Collins
The Green Bay Packer’s free safety Nick Collins is a restricted free agent at the end of this year and my gift to him would be a huge contract. Collins could have held out of this off season’s mini camps, OTAs and training camp in an effort to get a new deal, but he handled it the way it should be done and participated fully in the off season. Now it is time to reward him with a big payday. Collins will demand a high salary due to the fact that the man is a stud and good ball hawking defensive backs make bank in the NFL. Green Bay has the payroll to put together a deal, but if the Collective Bargaining Agreement is not hashed out soon Teddy T is gonna need some cash. This is my theory as to why Thompson is sitting on $15 million under the cap this year is so he has operating capital in the off season if the CBA is not renewed. In the event this happens, the NFL will be a non-capped league and the Jerry Joneses and Dan Snyders of the NFL will be able to spend as much money as they wish on free agents.
The Readers
Here is my Christmas gift to you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKZvksIYmZE
Bandter and other things
Bohiemian Rhapsody is not on Queen’s Greatest Hits album. WTF!?!?!
Is it just me or does Randy Moss look like a 6 ft 4 in garden gnome?
To pass time at Lowes, I fart into the pickup truck bed boxes and close the lid. There is nothing more satisfying than watching the facial expression of someone who opens up a truck bed box and gets a whiff of the Taco Bell I had the night before.
Stay classy Michigan http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/nationworld/sns-ap-us-odd-knifed-coffee-drinker,0,5412385.story I wonder if the guy left a tip?
2008 years later, Jesus still knows how to throw one heck of a birthday party.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours!
Bandt
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